Life and Times
by AriTeir
Summary: A series of one shots detailing the life of Artemis and Holly's daughter and what it's like to be caught between two worlds. And I was just referring to her parents personalities.
1. Crossing the line

Crossing the line

_Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl_

* * *

Domovoi Butler had many firsts attributed to him. He had been the first to graduate from Madame Ko's Academy at the age of Eighteen. He was one half of the first human duo to kidnap a fairy, certainly the first to shoot one with a tranquiliser. He also claimed the title of being the first human to survive a fight with a Troll.

And now Domovoi Butler had achived another first. He was the first Butler in the history of their service to the Fowl family to actually retire.

Most Butler's, like his own Uncle, were killed in service to the Fowl's and the few that weren't were forced into retirement by injuries that impaired their ability to preform their duty. Like Butler's own father who had been retired from gaurding Artemis' grandfather at the loss of his left eye.

Butler could still remember his mother's mischevious smile and the way the corners of her oriental eyes creased as she explained, her American accent barely hindered by the years she had spent in Ireland, that his eyepatch only made her husband look all the more Roguish and the eaxact pitch of Juliet's shriek of laughter at the comment.

But Domovoi was the first Butler to be retired because of old age. And as such no one knew quite how to go about it.

He certainly didn't want to retire and the Fowl family didn't want to let him go. Somewhere along the line, it would be impossible to pinpoint the exact moment, both Butler and Juliet had crossed the line from Bodygaurds to Family.

So a compromise was reached. Rather than fully retiring to some tropical location Butler would remain on at Fowl Manor in a Semi retired position. He would still preform perimiter checks and man the sucurity booth but all the real action would be handled by Juliet and his cousin Alexander, the newest Butler to take up a position with the Fowls.

Juliet and Butler were admittedly surprised Alexander was following in the Butler family tradition he had been only three (he was his parents great suprise it had to be said they had thought they were well past any more children) when his father went down on the Fowl Star. And after her husbands death his mother had made a point of staying as far away from the Fowl and Butler families as she could. Yet here Alexander was, fresh out of the academy. Juliet was estatic to not be the rookie anymore.

Butler really only had one serious duty to preform these days. And that duty was the reason he was sitting in a car at three o'clock outside the gates of St Geraldine's Preparatory School.

It had taken Artemis and Holly all of about six seconds to decide that boarding school was not the best educational option for their daughter. Their exact conversation went exactly as follows:

"No?"

"No."

Not only was Holly against Boarding School as a principle, they really couldn't risk it. All it would take was for Ariel to get a papercut or roll out of bed and there would be mini blue fireworks. It was bad enough trying to keep her healing abilities under wraps when she was only at school for six hours, Artemis had had to use one of his numerous pseudonyms to forge a doctors certificate excusing his daughter from physical education and every year Holly and Artemis braced themselves for the annual 'Why can't I play netball/tennis/hockey?' tantrum. They didn't even want to think about how difficult keeping their child's Fairy heritage a secret when she was out of their sight for entire terms.

So Day school it was. St Geraldine's was one of the most exclusive schools in the country and offered everything paying parents could possibly want from an educational institution. Low student to teacher ratio's, personalized curriculum's, excellent results and a lot of high profile students. Both the President and Taoiseach had daughters enrolled.

Because of this Butler wasn't the only Bodygaurd waiting for school to be let out. He was however one of the few who remained in his car rather than taking this opportunity to converse with other contemporaries. It really was quite a funny sight; a gaggle of suited buff men standing beside the school's wrought iron gates gossiping like a bunch of school mums.

A shrill electronic bell sounded and the school gates swung open. Girls ranging in ages of five to eleven began to filter out. The buzz of many conversations filled the air, with a few shrieks of laughter rising above the cacophony.

Butler kept a trained eye on the tide of school girls exiting their daily prison and was rewarded as a mop of red curls bobbed up through breaks in the crowd every few seconds. Ariel Fowl slowly but surely picked her way through the throng and spotting Butler made her way over to the car as fast as her tiny legs could carry her. A smile splitting the sides of her face.

Her appearance was as it always was at the end of the school day: Entirely disheveled. Sometimes Butler found it very hard to believe this little girl with her lackadaisical appearance was related to Artemis Fowl. Her school socks which had that very morning been pristine white were now speckled with dirt and one had slipped down her knee to pool at her ankle. The green bow she had begged her grandmother to tie into her hair had come loose and the ribbon tangled in her curls. The toes of her black school shoes were gray where she had scuffed them. Butler knew he had an hour of polishing to look forward too. Her gray skirt was splattered with blue paint that didn't look like it would be coming out any time soon. And finally the cuffs of Ariels school jumper which fell over her finger tips (The jumper was the smallest size the school offered and was still too big for the diminutive girl) were discolored and tatty as she chewed on them when she was bored during class.

This was a habit Artemis had despaired over until Butler had reminded him that when he had been bored at school he had taken to rubbing his thumb in a clockwise direction over the surface of his left Cufflink. The Bodyguard couldn't tell you how many sets of cufflinks he had destroyed due to constantly wearing the left one down.

If the line between Bodyguard and Family was blurred for the rest of the Fowl's it was absolutely obscured for Ariel. Rather than getting in the backseat and telling Butler to take her home like a good little principal she clambered into the front one and threw her arms as far as they could go around him happily babbling about everything that had taken place during the day.

Vicky Ellas had bought her new Pomeranian puppy to school to show everyone and do you think if she asked Uncle Beckett nicely he'd let her take Selkie? Selkie would be better Vicky's puppy because Selkie knew how to fetch and speak and even roll over and she was trying to teach her how to play dead but it wasn't going so well. At break time Michelle Tadbolt and her friends had made fun of her again saying her parents should have called her _Thumbelina _instead of _Ariel_. Why were they always so mean Butler? She had never done anything to them! And then in music she got to sing a solo because Mrs Bell said she was the only one who could hold the notes and everyone was jealous.

"Slow down Ariel!" Butler said good naturedly finding it very hard to keep up with the six year olds rapid summary of her day.

"But I didn't even tell you the best part yet!"

"You can tell me just speak slowly remember what your father always tells you"

"Slow down and annunciate" Ariel recited. Butler nodded.

"We started a new project in Art Class. Everyone has to paint a picture of their grandparents Miss Derry says it's so we can put them in the hall when they come for grandparents day!"

"That sounds like fun" Ariel nodded enthusiastically.

"It was but I finished early..."

That didn't surprise Butler. Ariel may not of inherited her father's intellect to the point of making her anything other than above average but she did have his artistic and musical capabilities. She may not have been quite up to forging Rembrandt yet but she could certainly put art teachers through their paces.

"...so I painted you!" At this point Ariel slid back across into the passenger seat and began digging through her school bag eventually liberating a rolled up piece of poster paper.

"Miss Derry wanted to hang it up in the Art room so she put it in her desk but I stole it when she went to stop Danielle crying because Sajani got paint in her hair" She explained

"Danielle said she did it on purpose but she didn't! But Sajani got in trouble anyway" Ariel said handing the roll of paper over to Butler.

"Anyway do you like it? It's not very good I don't think because I didn't have a lot of time to do it and Vicky bumped my Elbow when I was painting your shoulder so that parts bad and I couldn't make the right colour for your eyes"

Butler was only half listening to Ariel the rest of him was captivated by the portrait she had painted of him.

The colouring was poor but Ariel had done what she could. Only so much quality could be achieved with cheap poster paint. But the portrait itself was incredible. Butler could almost have believed he was looking into a brightly coloured mirror. Everything sparked with life and Butler couldn't escape the feeling the only thing anchoring the portrait to the paper was the paint. Artemis' artworks though perfect and precise had never had this quality.

"You do like it don't you Butler? I know it's not very good but I tried really hard and..." Ariel's voice was slightly watery and her shoulders slumped.

"It's wonderful Ariel. Absolutely beuatiful!"

The young girl instantly brightened.

"You really think so? Really, really?"

"Really, really"

And then the young redhead flung herself from the passenger seat and was once again hugging the semi retired bodyguard as much as she could.

"Can we get Ice-cream" She asked peering up at Butler with large navy blue eyes.

"I won't spoil my appetite I promise! I'll eat everything at dinner even if it's Eggplant! Pleeeaaase Butler"

The large man sighed.

"Our secret?" He asked Ariel nodded enthusiastically.

"Our secret, promise!"

"Alright put your seat belt on"

As he pulled away from St Geraldine's Butler realized that he could in fact pin point the exact moment he had crossed the line between bodyguard and family member. It had happened approximately six years ago.

* * *

_STORY NOTES_

_Butlers parents: Butler and Juliet are described as being Eurasian and in the Eternity code Juliet is revealed to be an American citizen by birth. So in order to make this work I have made their mother Chinese American. I have an entire backstory for her (though no name you'd think I'd come up with that first) and how she met Butler and Juliet's father. I may write a story for it someday If anyone would be interested. _

_The Major: Butlers Uncle known as the Major served as Artemis Fowl Senior's Bodygaurd but died when the Fowl Star sank. I am certain he must have had a wife and children so I have arranged for his youngest son Alexander (don't even bring up the subject of timelines I DID NOT think this one through) to be the latest Butler to serve the Fowl Family. Despite his mother's protests. _

_Prep school: Americans in the audiance may not quite understand this as prep school in the U.S is an institution to prepare one for college whereas in the U.K and Ireland it is a fee paying instution used to prepare students for private secondary schools. _

_President: I was quite shocked to learn that Ireland has a President. I felt for sure they would have a Prime Minister; which they do. The Republic of Ireland has a President which apparently acts in the role of a sovereign and a Prime Minister which is apparently called the 'Taoiseach'. I don't pretend to understand the politics of any country but my own...mainly because I barely understand that...Seriously stop bitching at eachother and run the county it's not going to run itself! _

_Selkie: for those of you who haven't read chapter two of 'Slightly Spirited Away' Selkie is Beckett's Border Collie. _

_Anyway that's all for now feel free to tell me what you thought I accept critism just please be constructive and polite. I apolgouise for my poor spelling and punctuation and hope you enjoyed this short._

_Thanks for tuning in_

_Ari out!_


	2. Point System

Point system

_Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl_

* * *

Sometimes Artemis really wished Holly would just bite the bullet and marry him already.

He was okay with his daughter being illegitimate. He was okay with the awkward silences and odd glances that followed every time Holly corrected whoever had called her 'Mrs Fowl'. He was even okay using the term 'Girlfriend' to refer to her even though it was juvenile and not at all appropriate for their relationship.

What he wasn't okay with was the lack of a ring on his finger whenever his mother blackmailed him into attending her charity functions.

Artemis had always thought of his mother as the white sheep of the Fowl Family but it turns out she was just as devious as they rest of them. Bless her heart.

Now Artemis wouldn't have minded attending said charity functions if he had Holly on his arm to cause awkward silences and odd glances as she explained for the umpteenth number time that she wasn't his wife so it was _Ms_ Holly _Short_ if you don't mind. Also he supposed he could bicker with her if things got too dull.

But he didn't. Artemis may have created a holographic projector housed in a watch that caused Holly to appear taller and more human but it could only simulate so much. Artemis and Holly lived in fear that someday someone would ask why if they were relatively the same height their arms always looked to be at slightly odd angles when they held hands. Or why he always looked down just a bit when talking to her. Or why when she shook hands hers always seemed smaller than it should be.

The only safe way to keep anyone from wondering about these things for longer than a few seconds before shrugging it off and thinking surely they had been imagining it was to keep Holly out of the public eye as much as possible. Something she had no qualms about but Artemis despaired over.

You see there are two things you can be certain of when it comes to Charity Functions. One is there will be a lot of rich powerful people there. The second is none of them really care at all for charity.

No Charity Functions are used for rich powerful people to pretend for one second that they care about something other than themselves and to show other rich powerful people up while doing it.

As a secondary function they can often be used for rich young women to find richer potential husbands.

Oh how Artemis wished he had a wedding ring to ward them off.

But he didn't so he went for the next best thing. His six year old daughter.

Which was why Ariel Fowl was currently standing beside a plinth of flowers in the ridiculously shiny banquet and events hall in one of Dublin's finest venues bored out of her hybrid mind.

She had already left smudge marks on every polished surface she could get her hands on and had used every disposable hand towel in the ladies bathroom to make a chessboard pattern on it's floor. She had also made a point of tearing exactly two petals off every flower in each delicate arrangement around the room.

But now she had run out of things to entertain herself with and had nothing left to do but wait for Daddy to give her the signal.

Ariel desperately wanted to pull one of her curls out of it's lovely half up half down bun and twirl it around her fingers, something that always helped to make her feel slightly less bored when she didn't have cuffs to chew on.

Stupid pretty short sleeved dress.

But she couldn't because every last strand of her hair was pulled tightly back into a pearl encrusted clip and smothered in weird feeling hair gel.

Sighing Ariel turned her attention back to the Events room. People were everywhere forming and disbanding in groups of three to four making sure to be seen talking to the right people. It was almost like a preorginized game of musical chairs. Ariel almost wanted to stand on the plinth beside her and scream "Change Places!"

And then something caught her eye. Daddy was tapping his left cuff link. Five taps. That was the signal she was on. Ariel picked up her clutch from where it had been sitting on the edge of the plinth and skipped merrily across the polished floor.

The current bane of Artemis Fowl's existence was named Anastasia Langbyne. She was supermodel thin and while not what anyone would call classically beautiful her striking features had been gathering glances all evening. Yet despite this she had chosen to spend it trying to flirt with a certain genius.

There had once been a time. A glorious wonder-filled time when Artemis had been able to send members of the opposite sex away in tears with a few choice phrases. That time had unfortunately come to an end when the female populace by and large decided that Artemis' scathing remarks towards them were really just the only way he could express his affection.

The poor tortured soul. It was always the clever ones you know. Hadn't anyone read _Lady Heatherington Smythe's Hedgerow_?

Anastasia didn't bat an eyelid as a little red haired girl pranced up to Artemis and threw her arms around his leg. What she did do however was ask in the sugary sweetest voice she could muster. Which it had to be said wasn't very convincing.

"And who are you Sweetheart?"

"What's it to you?" Ariel sneered rudely. Artemis tried his very hardest to look and sound shocked.

"Ariel! We don't speak like that apologize to Ms Langbyne at once"

"Sorry" Ariel muttered darkly.

"Now sweetheart why don't you go find Nanna?" The eldest Fowl heir suggested.

"But Dadddyyyy" Ariel whined.

"You said you'd dance with me and I wanna dance right now!" She stamped her foot down as hard as she could.

"Daddy is talking to the nice lady right now Ariel"

Tears welled up in Ariel's dark blue eyes and a slow whine bubbled up in her throat turning into an outright cry as she opened her mouth. She was just about to throw herself upon the ground and start thrashing about when Daddy interrupted her. Good, the ground didn't look very comfortable.

"Very well Ariel we'll dance. Excuse me Ms Langbyne" Artemis took his daughters hand and led her away. Ariel turned around to poke her tongue out at Anastasia for good measure.

"Those tears were very convincing" Artemis stated leading Ariel through a simple waltz

"They're going to cost you" The six year old said primly.

Now meet Miss Emily Thomas. She's from England and has a lovely posh upper class accent that almost hides the fact her family are new money. Her favorite activities are, shopping long walks along the beach and being obnoxiously Nouveau Riche. Unfortunately on this particular evening she decided to be obnoxiously Nouveau Riche in the presence of the Fowl family.

No Charity event is complete without a formal meal, the title of which varies for what hour of the day it is held in.

So the guests of this evening's event had all sat down at their beautifully laid out tables and were waiting for the entrees to arrive.

"I've never been to Africa, I don't think I could handle all the Lions everywhere. But a friend of mine has just returned from a holiday in Kenya and she said it was lovely. She didn't see any refugees or orphans though can you be sure they're really there?" Emily explained taking a delicate sip from her wine.

Angeline Fowl looked like she wanted to stab her with her seafood fork whilst her husband looked like he wanted to reestablish his ties with the criminal underworld to ensure that this women found out first hand that the refugees and orphans were really there. Artemis Fowl the second looked like he wanted to weep for the human race whilst Ariel sat with a demure smile on her face.

She was going to enjoy taking this one down.

"Daddy said that if my next Nanny lasts two weeks without having a mental breakdown he'll take me to Africa" She said.

"Oh isn't that lovely! Be sure to watch out for Lions they're everywhere you know!" Emily said breezily. Ariel blinked.

"Daddy it's only mental breakdowns right? Emotional ones don't count?" She pressed harder.

"Of course Sweetheart"

"Good because then I'd _never_ get to go to Africa"

"Good Nanny's are so hard to find these days aren't they? My friend, not the one who went to Africa mind, is looking for one for her son and she's having a dreadful time. And I suppose it must be doubly hard for you with Ariel having no mother around"

The temperature in the room dropped by 20 degrees. Angeline was slightly disappointed she had ordered the seafood entree as it meant she would now have to use her salad fork to stab Emily with and it didn't look like it would do nearly as much damage. Artemis Sr was compiling a mental list of everyone in the underworld who still owed him favors.

Artemis and Ariel on the other hand glared stonily at Emily Thomas and vowed to ruin her before the night was through.

"...She ran off didn't she? That's what I heard. It must be terribly difficult raising a child on your own and I can't imagine how hard it must be on your daughter" The woman continued completely oblivious to the sudden temperature drop.

Ariel sniffled just a bit and willed for tears to creep once more into her eyes. It wasn't long until they were spilling over her cheeks and she was outright sobbing.

"I wish I h-h-had a Mummy!" She cried

"It's not fair! All of my friends have Mummies and they all make f-fun of meee!"

"Oh you poor thing" Emily said. Ariel continued to put her heart and soul into crying trying her very hardest not to wipe her nose or eyes allowing tears and snot to drip down onto her cream dress.

She hiccuped through one sob for good measure.

"Ariel why don't you go to the ladies room and get some tissues?" Artemis suggested. Ariel nodded glumly before turning to Emily.

"W-will you come with me and h-hold my hand?" She asked.

"Oh of course I will darling" The woman said brightly.

"What a cute little handbag" She continued as Ariel picked up her clutch with one hand and offered the other one to Emily who took it. The pair started off.

"This will not end well" Artemis Sr commented dryly

"Well she's certainly not getting any sympathy from me" was Angeline's response.

Artemis' original plan in using Ariel to ward off potential suitors who believed he and his daughters mother to be 'Estranged' had consisted mainly of him playing her as a trump card. A sort of "Yes I 'm finding this conversation about make up very simulating oh but would you look at that here comes my daughter. Yes I have a Daughter doesn't that make me somehow a less attractive option to you?" It hadn't worked. Mainly because women seemed to find him all the more attractive when they found out he had a child, something about a testimony to commitment but who could understand the female mind. And furthermore saw said child as any easy access port to her father.

Wasn't this how it always went in the books, or rather movies, who had time to read books? A cold lonely father needing a woman's touch in his life. All they had to do was connect with the daughter and when he saw what a wonderful influence they were on the poor little darling bang instant happy ending.

Fortunately Ariel knew just how to solve this problem. She had to stop being a little darling and start being a spoilt brat.

Usually it worked but every now and then she came across someone who was just far too stupid to pick up on it. Either that or they just really didn't care. In cases such as these Ariel had to improvise. Which was what she was doing now.

She skipped sweetly along the hall that led to the ladies room one hand clasped in Emily's. Oh this woman was going to pay.

The disposable towels Ariel had laid out so carefully across the floor had been diligently removed by the venues staff. Someone must have complained. That was slightly disappointing she had worked hard at that. But no time to dwell on the past. The sleek dispensers had been refilled and Ariel hastily liberated several towels.

"I got extra so you can pad your bra" She said offering a pile of towels up to Emily who took them somewhat blankly.

"Uh thank you sweetie" She said Ariel began dabbing at her eyes and nose. Emily left her and wandered over to the hand basins and mirrors and began digging through her own clutch to pull out a tube of lipstick which she carefully twisted the lid off and held at chest level as she leaned in towards the mirror. Perfect.

Ariel bumped herself as hard as she could into Emily's side causing her arm to jerk and shove the opened tube of lipstick against the front of her dress. The elder woman gave a cry of shock which quickly turned to one of despair.

"Oops" Ariel said sincerely

"I'm so sorry Miss Thomas"

"It's okay..." Emily sounded like she wanted to cry

"I can always get a new dress right...?" Ariel nodded

"Maybe you'll be able to get one that doesn't make you look fat next time! Or maybe one that isn't too young for you"

"Yes I...what? What did you just say? Did you just call me fat...and old! Why how dare you!..." Emily finally caught on. And it wasn't a nice feeling but then she turned to face Ariel and suddenly everything was alright again.

In fact everything was more than alright it was wonderful, beautiful everything was absolutely perfect and it was all because Ariel's eyes looked so so lovely. Had they always been that blue and deep? Of course they had because if they hadn't everything wouldn't be perfect and that couldn't be right.

And then the little girl spoke her voice sounded like sunshine should. Like ringing bells and the sweetest melodies all tied up into the most beautiful thing Emily had ever heard.

"_You are going to never try and flirt with my father again because you know full well that he is in a very happy relationship with a woman named Holly Short. And every time you hear someone talking about the martial status of Artemis Fowl the second, my father, you are going to tell them this. Aren't you?"_

Emily nodded "I am"

"_And now you are going to leave this bathroom politely make your excuses and leave this function. But be sure to make a donation before you leave, there are a lot of refugees and Orphans in Africa and they really do need your help. I'm sure you'll give generously" _

And then Ariel turned away and began to wash her hands. Emily stood dumbstruck by the mirror for a full minute before slowly blinking and shaking her head slightly.

"Wha...what's going on? I was just about to leave wasn't I? Yes I was, must remember to make my donation before I go" She muttered turning on her heel and leaving.

Ariel grinned and reached for a disposable towel. Her work here was done. Then she turned to the pristine tiled floor of the ladies room before sneaking a glance back at the towel dispenser. Well maybe not completely done.

Ten minutes into the drive back to Fowl Manor the moment Artemis had been dreading arrived. Ariel unclipped her clutch and pulled out a tatty looking notebook and pencil.

"Okay so that's crying; twice. Twenty points a foot stamp is ten, Poking my tongue out is five. Then there's my general rudeness I think I wracked up about sixty points worth of that tonight. Bumping Miss Thomas's elbow is a good fifteen and using the _mesmer_ to get rid of her is a hundred. So Tonight I earned 210 points" She scribbled it into the notebook and looked up with a smile.

"Only five more points and you owe me a Pony!"

Holly Short looked up from where she was curled up in an armchair reading a fairy thriller when Artemis entered their bedroom.

"So how was your evening" She asked.

"We're getting married" was her answer

* * *

_STORY NOTES_

_Smudge marks: I am a 21 one year old woman yet whenever I enter a fancy venue with polished surfaces I am compelled through childish desire to smudge something. Don't rat me out!_

_Holographic projector: I am a fan of X-men Evolution and think that a device from this show known as an 'Image Inducer' would be a useful comodity in other fandoms. So I tend to carry it across. _

_There's a lion: My mother is from Africa and I can not tell you how many people when I was growing up thought she had lived in a mud hut surrounded by lions. _

_Anyway that's all for now I hope you enjoyed this one shot. Feel free to tell me what you thought I accept critism just please be constructive and polite._

_Ari out!_


	3. Opening Lines

Opening Lines

_Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl_

_

* * *

_

Ariel Fowl was very disappointed in her shapes game. After much experimentation she had concluded that the star block would only fit through the star hole, the square block would only fit through the square hole and likewise the circle block would only fit through the circle hole. Which was in her opinion very very boring.

Yet she still felt somewhat upset when Daddy took the triangle shape from her to hold it in front of her face.

"What's this Ariel?" he asked

"Buh" Ariel said. Daddy sighed.

"No Ariel it's a triangle, come one say Triangle. Start with a 'ttt'"

"Buh?"

"Triangle...tryyyy aangggle"

"Buh buh"

"Give it up Artemis she's not going to say triangle" Holly announced from where she was curled up on the sofa absently petting Selkie who had laid her head in the fairy's lap.

"Well she's got to say something!" Artemis protested.

"Come on Ariel say something for Daddy" He pleaded

"Ah buh"

Daddy looked like he wanted to tear his hair out.

"Oh Arty stop pushing her she'll talk when she's ready" Angeline said from the other side of the Fowls informal lounge.

"Ready? She's been ready for the past six months she should be able to start sentences by now! But she won't go past babbling!"

"Maybe she likes babbling" Beckett suggested looking up briefly from his DS.  
"It isn't about what she likes! It's about her reaching the next stage in her development...what, what if there's something wrong with her?"

Everyone in the room groaned

"Artemis there is absolutely nothing wrong with our daughter, she's healthy, she's happy she just doesn't want to talk" Holly slid off the sofa and knelt on the carpet next to Ariel so she could tip the plastic shapes out from their box. Ariel felt a little angry about that she had worked very hard at getting those shapes in the box. Oh well best get back to work she picked up the brightly coloured square and thought briefly of how wonderful it would be if it would fit through the circle hole. But Ariel already knew it wouldn't so she pushed it through it's dull square hole.

"Oh aren't you clever" Holly smiled nuzzling her daughters cheek.

"Mah" Ariel said

"You see what's exactly what I'm talking about! 'Mah' she should be able to realize that saying that twice makes Mama and that means you! But she doesn't!"

"You're making a big deal over nothing"

"It's not nothing it's a huge developmental set back!"

"Arty children develop at their own pace; take your brothers for example. Myles was talking months before Beckett but Beckett was walking before Myles had even learnt to crawl. Ariel will talk when she's ready too" Angeline explained

"Maybe she just has nothing to say" Myles put in

"Nothing to say? She's been in this world almost a year..."

"My baby's growing up so fast!"

"...and she has absolutely nothing to say?" Artemis cried.

"You know" Artemis Sr, who had thus far been rather pleased to say out of the hourly

'Artemis' Panic attack over Ariel Show' said.

"I can think of a certain youngster who didn't speak until he was three years old"

"Who?" Artemis asked

"You"

"What?" Artemis couldn't look more shocked if he tried. Angeline nodded along with her husband.

"It was the strangest thing, you never even babbled. We had you tested for Muteness, Deafness even Autism but no one could tell us anything! We were frantic with worry. Then one day completely out of the blue you started speaking in complete sentences" She explained.

"Your first ever words were to tell me to switch off 'Playschool' and turn to the National Geographic channel" Butler explained humorously. Artemis couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"But I remember being three and I'm certain I reached all my milestones early!"

"Well you sat up early, didn't bother much with crawling, you tried to for a while but in the end gave up and started walking so you did that early. Potty trained yourself thank heavens. But no not a peep out of you until you were three" Angeline explained.

"Like I said it was the strangest thing" She shrugged turning back to the speech she was trying to write for one of her upcoming charity events. So many speeach's had been made about preserving the natural habitat and putting an end to the poaching of the Lowland Gorilla that she wasn't really sure if there was anything she could say that hadn't already been said.

"Well there you go Arty! There's nothing wrong with out daughter she simply takes after you!" Holly grinned mischievously.

"And what age did you embark on the great venture of speech Captain?" Artemis asked a little tersely it had to be said. Fortunately Holly lived with him and was therefore used to it.

"Oh I spoke around the usual age, seven"

"Months?" Myles inquired as Beckett handed him his DS having obviously reached another puzzle level.

"No years"

"You didn't speak until you were seven years old!" Beckett said a healthy dose of shock in his voice.

"Seven's nothing for a Fairy, infancy lasts two decades" Holly explained.

"So maybe our daughter takes after you!" Artemis announced smugly. Holly rolled her eyes.

"It doesn't matter who she takes after, what's important is she doesn't want to talk and we shouldn't force her, she'll get there when she gets there"

She handed the triangle shape back to Ariel who studied it closely by trying to put it in her mouth.

Her studies yielded a breakthrough. The triangle shape was pointy like the star shape was pointy. So maybe just maybe if she did it just right she could get the triangle shape through the star hole.

Ariel took the triangle shape and attempted to do just that. But once again she was met with no success. No matter how hard she tried Ariel simply could not get the triangle shape through the star hole. With a cry of disappointment and defeat she threw the triangle shape away from her.

"Someone's a little cranky. Time for a nap is it?" Mummy said.

"I'll take her Holly" Butler offered. Holly smiled gratefully and lifted Ariel away from her shapes game to give to the Semi retired bodyguard. Who took the infant like she was made of china and left the informal lounge.

Ariel couldn't help but feel rather hard done by as she was placed gently in her crib. She wasn't even tired! Just upset that her shapes game was dreadfully dull. Why couldn't Fisher-Price shake shake things up a little.

She frowned as best she could at Butler as he closed her crib and secured it. Unfortunately it came out looking more like a pout.

"Oh come now it's not so bad, one day you'll appreciate naps and then you'll get to my age and detest them again" The giant man chuckled he turned to leave. This was it her last chance to explain that this nap time really was unjustified and that she really wasn't all _that_ annoyed with her shapes game. Sure it wasn't as challenging as it could be but it certainly had it's merits, the blue red and yellow colour scheme for example was quite fetching. Ariel opened her mouth

"But'er" She said.

The bodyguard paused at the door and turned his attention back towards the crib.

Result.

"What did you just say?" Butler asked.

"But'er" Ariel repeated "But'er, But'er"

"That's what I thought you said" The giant man sighed deeply and lifted Ariel from her crib to hold her in front of his face. Ariel giggled this was all going rather well.

"Now listen to me young lass your Mummy and Daddy are not going to be happy to learn that your first proper word is not one of their names. And I stand to lose quite a sizable chunk of money if the Twins get word of this..."

Unbeknownst to the little darlings parents Beckett and Myles had set up a betting pool on what Ariel's first word would actually be. Butler had put his money on 'Dada' which had seemed liked the soundest choice. There was a reason he wasn't a professional gambler and it wasn't just that his last name was 'Butler'.

"...so this is going to be our little secret."

* * *

_STORY NOTES_

_Shaping up: I'm sure everyone here is familiar with the shape Game Ariel is playing I mean it's been around for a while. But for anyone who doesn't basically the game is a box with various shaped holes in the lid and a set of plastic shapes. The game is for babies to learn what shapes go through which holes. Ariel isn't very impressed with it._

_Development: Infants in general start 'Babbling' at the age of four months but they don't know what they're saying. Babbling is really just a baby testing out the sounds they can make actual comprehension of these sounds doesn't come for a further few months. Artemis is worried because not only should at a year old be past babbling she should be able to say a simple sentence. Of course all children develop at different rates. _

_Artemis Talking: I have a sneaking suspicion that somewhere in the books it gives the actual age Artemis Talked at but I plain couldn't remember so I went with the story here. I could be wrong..._

_I feel sorry for Fairy Parents: I have no idea of the rate fairies age at so anything said on the length of fairy infancy is pure speculation_

_Dada: Dada is actually on average the most common first word infants in english speaking countries say because the 'D' sound is easier to say than a 'M' sound. _

_Anyway I hope you enjoyed this one shot. I'd love to hear what you think of Ariel and this collection in general. I accept critism just be constructive and polite. I apologuise for my poor spelling and punctuation. _

_Ari out!_


End file.
